Mistake Celt

Location: Mystic Celt
Neighborhood: Lakeview

mystic Celt

Wow guys. We have never started a post with negativity… but this was one brunch gone wrong. After the wild parking search (which was expected because… Lakeview). We entered the Mystic Celt. Howe had been there many times before, but never for brunch, and she knew when we were led to the back rooms to be seated that this was going to be an interesting brunch. The Celt functions as a pretty serious bar on the weekends, and that’s all one could think about when we were seated at the giant corner table. That eerie smell hinted that you were sitting right where someone had vom.com’d mere hours before.

On the way in we spotted the brunch buffet! A first for us, how could you not be excited to hit the buffet? But thats the funny thing about buffets, you always forget that they fucking suck. Our waitress took our [drink] orders and we headed over to fill up our buffet plates. At first glance, everything looked great, the set up was very nice and there was a mix of all the food groups (including the Irish food group — which old McD was bold enough to eat). The fruit/yogurt bar was super on point tho. Remember the deluxe fruit bowl idea? Well this was so much better than that.

We excitedly sat down with our full plates and were met with cold cups of coffee! And no water. After shoveling our mixed foods into our mouths our mixed drinks arrived! Hooray! We haven’t done brunch drinks in a while! But that excitement was cut short. Howe and McD got the mimosas which were just your standard mimosa. They were a pretty large serving and kind of watery, but otherwise no real opinion on them. The Bloody Mary SUCKED BALLS. It became worse with each sip, getting spicier and somehow also less flavorful (just buy yourself some Zing Zang mix from Target. It is $4.50).


mystic celt drinks
While no one was rocking a traditional hangover, we were all in a strange post-drinking haze. Rull weird. The weirdest since our Clarke’s brunch. McD could not form complete thoughts and at some point we all discussed what our old AIM screen names were (puppyluver, happysmilegirl, & dancergrl … correctly match the sn to the lady and win a prize).

One magically positive moment came about the time as our drinks did. Three tall drinks of water were sat at a table across the room from us. They all sat in a semicircle on one side of the table (a la last supper style) so they could view the Bears game, and so we could best view them. The center beefcake was a super juiced up version of Zac Effron — dubbed “Jack Effron” by mumbles mcgee AKA McD. And if you were wondering, they def saw us talking about them because we can’t be discrete if our lives depended on it.

They also saw us crying/laughing/spewing all over the place because, once again, we were talking about our previous night out. B reminded us that she had sent a fb message to a mutual friend at 1:30 A.M. that night more or less telling him to “go for it” with McD and he responded during brunch. As you can imagine, major lolz ensued.


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On the food front, everything was bad. So bad. Not one flavor was on that plate. Even the diced breakfast potatoes sucked… HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? A brunch crime. We agreed that the mac & cheese and the garlic mashed potatoes were the best options out of all the hot food at the buffet because they didn’t taste that bad(?).

not just brunch
Is that Carrie Bradshaw? Nope. It’s B drinking yogurt.

Howe thought the fruit was the best part by far — mixed with the fact that B ate a full serving of yogurt with a fork (spoons were at the buffet, not worth the journey).

The Mystic Celt’s brunch food is terrible, yes, but so is the service. Where it is painfully obvious the waitresses are hired for looks and also hate on three young girls just tryna brunch.

To be fair, Howe has experienced this location’s dinner menu & weekend bar scene (and she also used to irish dance here. omgwhatidk) and this brunch is much worse than any past meal I’ve had here. You can’t do it all.

Ah, the beauty of a Sunday where none of us have plans or work. This is a rarity. After the brunch disaster we went to Starbucks (no #PSL this time) then leisurely strolled down Southport. We browsed in Free People, Anthropologie, Francesca’s, etc.

At one point while we were outside, B decided she needed to take the tea bags out of her venti earl gray. A simple task one would think, but actually, B ended up swinging the 2 giant tea bags all over the damn place. Tea drippings were every.where. A man and a young child were afraid for their lives. [B: This is something I  like to refer to as a motor skill breakdown due to hangover; when even simple tasks, like taking a tea bag out of a cup, become impossible due to the alcohol/dehydration. Especially bad to have because I also drove to brunch.]

Then she put the tea bags into a frickin flower pot because she couldn’t handle them enough to walk to the nearest garbage can. What a debacle. There are no images of said incident because we were in shock and gasping for air due to extreme lolz. Howe bought a badass necklace at Francesca’s though.


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